“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
I closed the last Freedom Letter with this quote from Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu and promised my secrets to finding this peace.
More than 2000 years ago, the Stoics spoke of amor fati, the principle of not just accepting fate, but loving it.
Amor fati is challenging to embody because it’s easy to become fixated on the idea that others have it better. We see their lives as perfect and feel that our own lives fall short in comparison.
Social media – which I admit to absolutely overusing – significantly aggravates this problem. I have followed astronauts, world-class chefs and musicians and currently have a feed full of people traveling the world with enviable campervans and expedition trucks.
They rarely write about their insecurities and doubts or post the setbacks, failures and challenges they have faced.
We want what we see in this distorted view of reality: the skills, the gear and the good times of dozens or hundreds of people. Our minds are unable to separate the curated highlight reels into the myriad lives they are made up of.
Feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem are the natural result.
Even if you’re not on social media, it’s hard to avoid the constant assault of advertising for things you are supposed to own or experience. There is always something new and shiny around the next corner.
So what can you do?
For one, I try my best to limit screen time (especially exposure to social media) for at least 12 hours a day. Your brain doesn’t distinguish between real and virtual social interaction. It gives you a reward of dopamine for that first dose of Instagram in bed, setting a high baseline that you keep trying but fail to maintain for the rest of the day: a recipe for unhappiness.
Cold exposure is an excellent alternative to get a long-lasting and sustainable dopamine surge. The most effective way is to submerge your entire body in cold water. Some people take ice baths, but in the winter I simply jump into the nearest pond or lake.
It’s incredible how amazing this makes me feel for hours.
Most days, I dread the cold beforehand, but as soon as I’m in the water, I feel fantastic (in fact, significantly more so swimming in a cold lake compared to taking a cold shower).
Another simple thing to do is practicing gratitude. In a world where we are bombarded with negative news, it’s easy to be biased toward the negative. I know people (and you know who you are because I’ve told you!) who have it so incredibly well and yet always manage to find the idiomatic fly in the ointment. I, too, succumb to such thinking again and again.
By deliberately focusing on the things you are grateful for, you can shift your focus away from the negative aspects of your life.
Every night before bed, I write down the three best things – often small or seemingly insignificant – that happened that day.
Finally, practice acceptance. We are all striving for something in our lives. While it feels like the path to success is supposed to be a straight line, it is anything but. It’s a winding road to the top, often unpaved and sometimes rocky and steep. Sometimes you will take two steps forward and one back.
We need to normalize setbacks and recognize that they are part of life!
Embrace the present and accept that the choices you make and the steps you take here and now are shaping your future. This way, you can find peace and contentment in your life, even when unexpected or undesired events happen.
Loving the process and not just the outcome is essential to living a free and happy life.
#befree
Yours, Ulrich
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